What do you think of when you think of aftercare? It’s not something that often gets discussed a lot, but I think it should. Aftercare is a broad term but applies to the check-in and care you give your partner after sex or other intimate acts. It’s most often associated with BDSM play, when sex acts can be taboo, consensually painful, or emotionally charged.
Let’s say you and your partner love a good spanking session. They love being spanked, and you love dishing it out. After it’s over, and they’re sufficiently spanked and spent, they might be feeling a few different ways, and you might as well.
In that scenario, the first thing you might do is ask if your partner would like anything for their ass. Do they need you to rub it? Would they like ice? This is an important step following pain play, or any sex act where discomfort might have occurred.
Take Care of the Physical
Taking care of the physical elements also includes things such as going to bathroom to pee to prevent UTIs, or reminding your partner to do so. It can also look like offering water to stay hydrated, or even a snack. Would your partner like a massage?
You also might see if they’d like to be cuddled or held. Some people may prefer their space after an exhausting or intense sex act. However, it can also be reassuring for people to know that their partner is there for them in softer ways, such as cuddling or spooning. Everyone is different, so again – ask!
Check In Emotionally
Another aspect of aftercare is checking in emotionally. Asking your partner how they’re feeling or what they thought of the sex itself is a great way to let them know you’re open to communication and care about their feelings. This applies to both the bottom/top or dominant/submissive roles.
Hanging out and just relaxing after sex is also a part of aftercare. Enjoying each other outside of physical intimacy is a great way to bond and recharge after play. Put on a TV show or some good music. Getting back to “regular” vanilla things like these may be especially appreciated after power-play scenarios, where one person is in a particularly vulnerable position.
Care is Essential
Keep in mind that these tips do not just apply for kinky sex and BDSM play. Sex can often be a vulnerable or draining experience for people, regardless of kink level. Aftercare does not have to be set in stone or a step-by-step process, but rather a general communication and care that follows sex or other intimate acts with a person.
snar_dustMarch 12, 2022 at 10:14 pm
I feel these things deep… As someone who has experienced sub drop before, I feel that there should be a PSA blog post about Dom/sub drop (more commonly sub drop) and the effects of it… Something to say how to properly keep everyone who needs to be on the same page, and how to actually treat such a thing when it arises…
snowtigersubMarch 13, 2022 at 12:53 am
Aftercare is great no matter what scene you do, or at least I think so. Whenever I would have impact sessions I would always want to cuddle up with whoever was topping me, just talk about everything and nothing at the same time and hold onto my favorite items like a fuzzy blanket and plush toy while I cry which I never know why I do but I’m thinking it’s the way sub drop would hit me. The top would always offer a cup of water and would stay with me for however long I would need till I felt okay.
london_42mMarch 13, 2022 at 8:05 am
After care is essential, even in online rp if the partner is really emotionally invested
SunRaeMarch 13, 2022 at 11:25 am
Aftercare is probably the most important thing about sex. You have to be able to fully understand how your partner feels before, during and after any kind of sexual activity, including online Roleplay. Take a little time to get to know your partner as they may not be able to communicate what they need in regards to aftercare. Learn the small nuances that works for them.
aretheaMarch 13, 2022 at 11:32 am
It’s nice to see people commenting about Dom drop too. Sub drop is more common but we have to remember that sometimes Dom/mes are people who have a softer side in real life and can be pushed just as much as subs during a scene. Love the importance of aftercare though and how it’s needed emotionally as well as physically, sometimes that affirmation that everything was good and enjoyable is all someone needs to know.
KinkyfuckeryMarch 14, 2022 at 11:11 am
Aftercare is extremely important whether in real life or Roleplay because it gives your partner a sense of want and boosts anyones self esteem, that hey this person might actually want me for more then just the regular sex scene, it also increases the intimacy and closure between the partner and the one who initiates the aftercare.