We grow up thinking no one wants to be a loser or be called a loser. –It turns out that’s not true.
For some, being insulted, humiliated, and more is not only desirable but arousing as well. The gender of the abuser doesn’t even matter to some. What matters is heaping as much verbal and mental abuse on the fetishist as possible? Both women and men can enjoy having their intelligence mocked or any aspect of their personality. For men, one common target is to insult the size of their manhood. Challenging men’s manhood is expected; with women, attractiveness is a standard target. Body shaming is common, especially cock size, tits, ass, weight, etc.
Does this turn some people on? It certainly does. Whether they’re jerking/jilling or straining in virtue, for some, humiliation is an erotic thrill. This fetish is more common than most people realize. Phone sex website NiteFlirt has thousands of files with the tag “humiliation.” PornHub has over 16,000 videos. Entire chat rooms are devoted to the fetish. “Degradation/Humiliation” was on Maxim magazine’s 2020 “30 Kinky BDSM Ideas To Try With Your SO Tonight” list. Maxim seemed shy about the topic, discussing little beyond reinforcing limits and consent. More on that later.
Cosmopolitan had a little more to say on the topic: “Like most kinks, erotic humiliation exists on a spectrum. It can mean a dominant partner consensually calling their submissive partner names like “slut” during sex. It can also be as extreme as someone being consensually “forced” to watch their partner have sex with someone else in front of them.” – Cosmo: Kink & Fetish Terms You Should Know However, cuckold is really its own fetish, more than simply an offshoot of humiliation. Imagine Cosmo getting something wrong about kink (gasp).
“Slut” is an interesting dichotomy. Some feel humiliated by the word, and some seek to reclaim and empower it. After all, fetishes are not monoliths. Please visit our humiliation forum and post your thoughts.
MORE THAN VERBAL HUMILIATION
This fetish can also tie into physical punishment, financial domination, and D/s, to name a few common combinations. Some with this fetish enjoy being called losers or, far worse, being made to feel worthless, less than human, and even more. I even know of an audio file where the listener was told their own mother didn’t love them.
Even more extreme humiliation is the opposite of degrading chat, the ignore fetish. The sub is made to feel so worthless they are ignored by the Dom. Given no attention whatsoever, so weak as to be beneath notice. People pay professionals good money to ignore them. Dressing in clothing the submissive dislikes, sometimes involving picture taking, is another possibility. This can even tie in to blackmail fetishes.
KinkLover suggests being a doormat, sculpture, or dining table for creative play ideasKinkLover means being a doormat, sculpture, or dining table. Other subs in this form of play enjoy being used as furniture, Forniphilia. To them, sitting on their hands and knees for hours with someone’s feet perched on their back is bliss. For the person using a human being as a hassock? KinkLover– suggests being a doormat, a sculpture, or even a dining table. The feeling is mutual.
A CONSENSUAL POWER EXCHANGE
Both sides in this fetish are involved in a power exchange. Like most power exchange play, there is a Dominant and a submissive. That doesn’t mean both shouldn’t be equal partners in the play rules and content. An important thing to remember is no matter how cruel it may seem, this is consensual play. This sort of play is not impossible within the confines of a romantic relationship, so long as clear boundaries are established and respected. As always, safe words are essential. Perhaps Cuckolding is a clear example of a consensual power exchange.
WHY IS HUMILIATION A TURN-ON?
Most people with this fetish have lower self-esteem than anyone else, except when they indulge. In part because of the drive to succeed so prevalent in our society. Rebelling against or escaping something considered wrong can be the ultimate surrender of control.
According to sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye. “Humiliation play is a consensual power exchange that is a specific fetish. It can help people heal parts of the self that may have been bullied as a child. There’s a sense of mastery over something that may have previously been non-consensual.” — https://www.allure.com/story/common-sexual-fetishes-kinks
On her website, sex expert Dr. Liz talks about humiliation play in the cerebral sense.
“I’m a super brainy person, so the hottest kink for me is the kink that happens in my brain. And humiliation play, in many ways, is about finding the things that make you uncomfortable; the things that happen in the real world in a regular context would be so shame-inducing. It’s so hurtful. And instead being able to explore them in a safe, healthy container.” — https://drlizpowell.com/humiliation-play/
So remember, the next time you angrily call someone in chat, a loser? They may like it.
If you’re looking for humiliation porn, check out our Fetish Porn Links page. There, you’ll find porn videos on your favorite sexual kink. Tube videos of people getting degraded and other kinky BDSM porn.